DEAR MISS MANNERS: Due to a computer meltdown earlier this year, I had to rebuild my holiday greeting card address list.
When I asked my mother-in-law to share her list from that side of the family, I was flummoxed to find that she addresses her cards as “Mr. and Mrs. Husband’s Name” — e.g., John and Jane Smith would be addressed as “Mr. and Mrs. John Smith.”
While I know this used to be a correct form of address, I (married for 15 years and using my husband’s last name) find this sexist and would be somewhat insulted to be addressed as “Mrs. Husband’s Name.”
I imagine that in this day and age, there are quite a few other female friends and relatives that would feel likewise. There are so many other alternatives — the holiday cards may be addressed to “The Smiths,” “The Smith family,” “Mr. John and Mrs. Jane Smith,” for example.
Should I bring up the subject with my mother-in-law? I had not realized the issue previously because we live in the same town, and she typically gives us our cards in person rather than through the mail.
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GENTLE READER: When people want to insult their friends, Christmas cards are probably not their weapon of choice.
Or so Miss Manners would think. But you — and others, no doubt — think otherwise.
So here is an idea for an advance Christmas present for your mother-in-law: Offer to update her list by asking each of her friends how they wish to be addressed.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a young woman who has recently moved into a larger city. I am not comfortable interacting with strange men on the street who ask passersby for change or attention.
It seems that most of my peers respond to such requests by ignoring them, but I dislike the contempt expressed in ignoring anyone. I prefer to give a polite “No, thank you,” “I’m sorry, no” or “Excuse me, please,” and then move on.
Unfortunately, since these gentlemen are used to being ignored, my more polite evasions serve only to encourage them to continue these unwanted conversations.
I feel that if I give in and begin ignoring people on the street, I will be allowing the rudeness of others to force me into rudeness myself. However, I do not care to spend every day disengaging from conversations with very persistent strangers who see every tactic for evasion — except for silence — as encouragement.
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Any suggestions as to how to handle such tricky situations would be appreciated.
GENTLE READER: You are not supposed to be comfortable interacting with strange gentlemen on the street. Evidence that people are destitute and desperate should make you uncomfortable. And so should solvent strangers who have personal designs on you.
However, Miss Manners is reluctant to discourage you from responding initially with those polite phrases when they might serve to acknowledge the humanity of the unfortunate. That does not oblige you to continue with an exchange. Whether they are seeking your money or your acquaintance, you should react to aggressive behavior by moving away.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
https://www.sun-sentinel.com/2025/12/02/miss-manners-strange-men-on-street/
