Recently, I was up against several deadlines, so to focus and completely lock in, I decided to head to my local library. Once I arrived, the parking lot was packed. I whispered a simple prayer that I could hurry up and find a parking space so that I could make my way inside and get to work. Less than three minutes later, I noticed an older gentleman walking to his car. It was the perfect space right up front, which I appreciated because it was blistering cold outside.
I proceeded to pull up and wait for him to get settled and back out. He began putting something into his back seat and then his trunk, and it became unclear to me whether he was leaving or simply making a pit stop to stow away some of his things. So, in an effort to gain clarity, as I’ve done on numerous occasions before, I rolled down my window and asked, “Excuse me, sir, are you leaving?”
Initially, he didn’t respond, so I wasn’t sure if he’d heard me. However, a few short moments later, he turned around and shouted, “What does it look like to you?” While I was caught off guard by his extremely rude behavior, unfortunately, I can’t say that I was surprised.
We live in a society where a sitting president has no problem sharing images of this nation’s first Black president and first lady depicted as apes — during Black History Month, mind you. A country where the “us versus them” energy perpetually incites hatred and division whenever someone looks different than you do or, God forbid, speaks a different language than you do.
In 2026, when folks are more upset about the fact that the headliner for the Super Bowl halftime show will perform in Spanish than they are about losing their health care benefits, hungry families and children struggling just to make it from day to day, it tells you all you need to know about where we are as a country right now.
That said, how do we raise children to become respectful and socially conscious young adults who are prepared to navigate a country that may not be accepting of who they are, how they speak, what they look like or who they may choose to love? The reality is, none of this is new. Racism has been alive and well in this country since its inception. There have always been the haves and the have-nots, those with access to resources and those without — often based on ZIP code and intentionally so. Knowing this, we can lean into the good around us and choose to show others love, even when they may exhibit hatred toward us.
As a parent of two little brown boys, I’m aware that I must instill both self-worth and thick skin. Because as they continue to grow and mature, I know all too well that some folks will stop seeing them as the “cute” and smart boys that they are and will instead begin viewing them as a threat, feeling intimidated before they even open their mouths. Knowing this, it’s my job to equip them through honest, ongoing conversations.
As their mother, I am their safe space, where they can always come and show up as their unapologetic selves. In addition to instilling a strong spiritual foundation and consistently reminding them to view themselves as God does — never questioning their worth or brilliance — it’s also important that I emphasize that when people spew hatred toward you, it’s never truly about you. Their feelings of inadequacy and, in some cases, envy have far more to do with them than they will ever have to do with us.
Helping them stay focused on their purpose and on becoming the young men God has created them to be is another way to reinforce that they cannot measure themselves against anyone else’s rubric. We must also ensure they have established coping mechanisms and skills to deal with the constant negativity that swirls around us. Maybe we encourage deep breathing exercises. They can always pray for strength. They can also protect their mental and emotional well-being by avoiding the clickbait that has become all too common today.
Even with all these strategies, unfortunately, we can never completely shield our kids from their first encounter with hatred. We can’t protect them from feeling unwanted, disrespected or undervalued at times. However, we can build them up, pray over them and encourage them — when given the opportunity to choose between love or hate — to avoid the latter. Yes, Jesus calls us to love our neighbor, but also because, regardless of how low others are willing to stoop, we don’t have to meet them at the bottom. We can set an example by carrying ourselves with dignity, respect and honor.
In the end, we can’t control how others treat us, but we can choose how we respond. Instead of giving the older gentleman back his own energy, I wished him well and told him that I hoped he enjoyed the rest of his day. Although I could still see him grumbling in response to my well wishes, I promptly rolled up my window and whispered another prayer — this time on his behalf.
Here’s the thing: if I had acted ugly and stooped to his level, it wouldn’t have done me any good. I wouldn’t have felt better about how he spoke to me, and it would have only distracted me and derailed my plans to head into the library and get my work done. I chose peace and productivity over the last word and entertaining foolishness. I decided it wasn’t my business to decipher what was wrong with him. He could have been having a bad day, he could have been unwell, or he could have simply decided to take his anger out on me. Regardless, I couldn’t allow my joy to be stolen by a situation that was out of my control.
I hope that through our many conversations, if faced with the same circumstance, my boys would choose to respond in the same way. Because in the end, the Bible already tells us that love wins. 1 Corinthians 13:7–8 says, “It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.”
In a nutshell, perspective is everything. We can choose to focus on hate, or we can choose love. We can focus on the fact that we don’t understand all the words, or we can enjoy the bold and beautiful colors, the magnificent storytelling and imagery, and the celebration of culture. It’s our choice.
Dr. Jade L. Ranger is a pharmacist at The Prescription Shoppe, a full-service pharmacy she owns with her husband. She is mom to two boys, ages 12 and 8 years old, and author of “Mustard Seed Mentality,” available at Amazon.com.
