The night before the first day of school, as we called the boys to get ready for bed, we were reminded how quickly life can change and how deeply those changes affect the whole family. Our younger son had previously said he felt fine about starting a new school year without his brother in the same building, but in that moment the reality hit him that he and Jacob would never again pass each other in the hallways of their elementary school. Josh broke down and admitted how sad he was that Jacob was leaving for middle school.
As parents, my husband and I were already managing our own emotions, preparing to send our firstborn off to a new environment while still grappling with how quickly our boys are growing up. When Josh expressed his vulnerability, I realized our entire family was entering a season of transition. Each of us had our own feelings about this change, yet we were all experiencing it together.
Change is constant, but that doesn’t make it easy. Whether your family is sending kids off to college, navigating a divorce or grieving a loved one, transitions often stir feelings of uncertainty and anxiety. How we approach them matters not only for our own well-being but also for that of our children. So how do we show up for our kids and ease their anxiety while managing our own? I’ve found that beginning with honest conversation, creating new routines and checking in regularly can make a world of difference.
Sending children into the next phase of life never feels simple. Whether they are moving from preschool to kindergarten, from elementary to middle school, or from high school to college, letting go is always bittersweet. We feel pride in seeing them grow independent but sadness as we watch them step away from us. Yet letting go is a necessary part of life. When we are honest about our emotions, we create safe spaces that remind us and our children that vulnerability is human. We also teach them that it is okay to share their feelings with people they trust. Simply speaking emotions out loud often brings more relief than holding them in and pretending everything is fine when it isn’t.
Once we acknowledge our emotions, we can find healthy ways to manage them. For me, that starts with routine. When my schedule is thrown off, my anxiety tends to rise, so establishing new rhythms quickly brings me comfort. I also turn to exercise to release stress and to my faith to stay grounded. When I manage my emotions intentionally, I am better able to help my children manage theirs. I’ll often ask them, “What brings you comfort during times of change?” For our boys, the answer is usually family time. Knowing this, my husband and I make a point of building in more togetherness when we know a transition is coming.
This year, instead of inviting friends or extended family on our annual Outer Banks beach trip toward the end of summer, we decided to keep it just the four of us. We played board games, swam, watched movies and shared plenty of popcorn. More importantly, we talked openly about change and gave the boys room to share their feelings. That time and space to process proved helpful as we geared up for a school year that would look different from any other we had experienced so far.
Even with new routines, it is important to keep checking in. Change, whether exciting or difficult, can spark anxiety that lingers. Regular “temperature checks” with yourself, your spouse and your kids help gauge how everyone is coping. Sometimes this means encouraging healthy coping strategies, and other times it may mean seeking extra support from a counselor. As parents, we don’t always have the answers, but what we can do is provide consistent, safe spaces where our kids feel supported as they figure things out — often while we are still figuring it out ourselves. If they are not ready to open up, patience is key. A hug, a gentle word or the reassurance that you are in their corner may mean more than any advice.
Of course, not all life changes carry the same weight, but the harder ones are when we need to lean in the most. For Josh, all it took was a hug and the reminder that even though Jacob wouldn’t be with him in school every day, their bond was still strong. He wore a bracelet from his brother as a daily reminder. Jacob, on the other hand, admitted to feeling nervous about middle school. We reassured him that his feelings were normal, encouraged him to be himself and reminded him that asking for help is always okay.
To our relief, both boys had a smooth first week back and adjusted to our new routine far faster than we expected. It was a powerful reminder that kids are resilient. With the right support, they can weather life’s transitions with strength and grace. In the end, it is not about shielding our children from change, but about showing them how to walk through it with courage, grace and love.
Dr. Jade L. Ranger is a pharmacist at The Prescription Shoppe, a full-service pharmacy she owns with her husband. She is mom to two boys, ages 11 and 8 years old, and author of “Mustard Seed Mentality,” available at Amazon.com.
